I have found that it is more and more difficult to write on my blog. I agree with many of you who say it is often discourageing to write about bipolar. Even though I am writing about nature I still view it through my illness and wellness.   I am doing other writing that does not relate to bipolar and it is gratifying.

So I will say goodbye for now and perhaps I will start another blog. I will post my decison after consdierable thought. Bless each you !

Annie

This is  the second day of “popping”! Of course, it’s spring the colors are glorious fresh new buds of green and the red bud tree. So far it dosn’t cover the tree but laces it with patterns changing by the minute. Two male cardianls in the trees down by the creek. It makes my heart sing, my eyes twinkle and my mouth smile. Simple? A year ago or two the brightness of the neon green burned my eyes,shades were drawn and my spirit was asleep.

Is it a miracle? I think not. Is wellness and rebirth of spring possible for the ordinary? I pray yes!

The breeze through my open window with the sweet smells of spring filling my mind with wonder - My windows are full of the images of the tree tops that defy gravity and reach toward the sky. Some plants crawl along the ground, content to bear fruit while stretching outward on the earth. Some bushes and shrubs reach skyward but do not hold the myriad of questions that trees inspire.

We remain with our feet firmly planted and in most situations are incapable of reaching the height of the oak, maple or evergreens. What are the lessons to be learned from our relative, grandfather the tree? Could it be that the miracle of the trees is for us to ask our questions individually  and retrieve the answers on our own. In our own way with our ear close to grandfather tree surely wisdom will come

The tiny green buds popping on the branches are pulling the new growth of the tree skyward. The swaying back and forth and first the gentle breeze and then the forceful winds of an impending storm These are the lessons taught by the tree saying- change with the changes.

There is new growth on a brittle old grand father branch falling to earth as it returns to the earth to complete the pattern of change and growth. Lessons are there for us to learn. We listen and the wisdom comes our way. If we just question the tree and learn the nature of - defiance of gravity.

As I ponder what I want to write I realize that my expereince with nature has been amplified by looking for my stories. Since many of my stories have a theme from nature I find I am a participant in all that there is instead of simply observing it. This process takes me away from myself and my illness and encouarges me to reach out. Nature is safe and at times safer than people.

Perhaps this is one of the healing quallities of writing.  Even if I were to merely describe a cricket or think about the purpose of a crow; I am taken away from the days of endless pain. Searching for the words can be an adventure in itself. Since I have reading and spelling problems I turn to the dictionary for help. It is  simplistic for me and helps me stay grounded with my writing. It also helps me explore expressions and at times the process is delightful. My head turns to the left when I write. Ijust realized that it also turns to the left when I am participating in nature.

What if I were to write about people? Would I become more of a participant? Would it be healing? I have not been a people person or a people watcher. But since leaving work I have extra space in my mind and  in my mind’s eye. I look at people from a different perspective. I am still bored with chit chat but better understand it’s soical function.

I encourage you to write and search for the simple things in life.

Some of them are Crows and some are Ravens. But they share the same waddle and crossed-eyed stare. The glare off of  the sleet and the snow hides the difference while a contrast of black and white is like a razor’s edge. It leaves no room for gray as it simplifies life and makes nature-gazing crisp and clean.

I sway my head side to side as I track the Crows bobbling walk. I identify with the wadle and wonder why Crow walks with such a motion. There is a tune inspired by the bobbling and I find that I hum it throughout the day.

While they are known in part as a nusance, I ponder the habits of the Crow and find that they make their nest high in the trees. They work to have the highest vantage point to search for the sustenance they desire.  They stay just beyond the bird feeders on the front porch and are content to be fed cracked corn at  the edge of the yard.

There are finer looking birds but giving crow their due they lull me into a daydream with a side to side swaying of my head as I watch the special bobble of friend Crow.

Eventually I close my eyes and imagine that I can see from high up in the tree tops. I find that I long for cracked corn and for a while become my friend Crow. It is a momentary lullaby of my spirit, a tune of peace and more so … a blessed melody of healing and well being.

Hello again to my friends that have been with me for a year or so. I also welcome those of you who are just finding my blog. In my previous post I mentioned that I wanted to make some changes in my blog. I think I have a direction that will satisfy my efforts to do storytelling and journaling. As part of this effort I want to share mine and hope you will share yours. I feel this may be a helpful way to progress down the road of wellness and find healing. I will be writing from the perspective of an ordinary person and not as a therapist. If I write as a therapist I will let you know. I have already found stories that come from my childhood and have helped me understand about the role that bipolar has played in my life. I also found humorous childhood experiences that make me giggle and lighten my day. Both kinds of stories have been simple, childlike and helpful. Please feel free to join me and share your stories. Peace, Annie

I hope that each of you had a Happy New Years day and look forward to a peaceful new year. I certainly look back on the healing and wellness that was mine in 2008. Your support and words of support were important in this result.

I have decided to make some changes in my blog and wanted to share them with you. While it has been healing to write about bipolar it is time to break out to other topics. Primarily I want to submit my writing for possible comments rather than for my blog to be a personal exchange.

I have found that my writing takes a front seat to other activities that fill my day. I have never had the opportunity to write and I want to get feedback from others. The fact that I had problems in reading as a child means I do not have a clear sense of where to go with my writing. If this is not of interest to you I will understand if you stop reading my posts.

Peace to you all! Annie

Living alone and trying to make a go of it was too much. Petey and I are back in the hill country. I look forward to celebrating family gatherings and wishing to see other extended loved ones. Living with my sister is again the best place for me to be. Being among the simple folks warms the heart and lets loose of daily worries.

It was more of a struggle than I thought to find a job. It is important that I accept the limitations and strengths that are mine. Today I am sixty. The most complicated decision for today is whether I want icing on my brownies. What do you think?

I am pondering subtle changes that I want to make to my blog. Any suggestions?

Yesterday around noon I strolled out of Wal-Mart and headed for the gas pump. WOW! gas is $1.61 a gallon. I filled my car for half of what I did this time last year. I was at the pump and humming a tune.  A big black Crow hopped by in perfect rhythm with my tune. I like it when that happens. It is one of those simple and ordinary things about nature that makes me feel connected to the universe.

Then I noticed that the Crow’s leg was wounded and her rhythm was in response to the pain in her leg. My humming stopped and I felt sad that I had been so self-centered to think that the Creator had that particular Crow cross my path for a moment of pleasure.

The experience with that dear Crow gave me pause to ponder those situations in life in which folks find humor in others suffering. The example came to mind of people who are over weight and how they are the topic of either ridicule or the butt of a joke. But here I go again taking life way beyond serious and into the topic of pain. Perhaps it is that my own pain is fading and my focus is less on my own wounds but instead is directed toward other creatures. SWEET!

The leaves are off of the trees for the most part and I can see how the creek curves around to the north and east. There is also a pond to the east of the creek that I didn’t even know was there. I love fall leaves but our season of  color change was brief.

Thanksgiving is coming soon and I am looking forward to time with my family. My sister and I cook a turkey with all the extra stuff of a family tradition. We are already preparing or should I say she is already preparing ahead. She is putting up Christmas decorations today.  She absolutely loves all that there is to Christmas Season.

I on the other hand do not decorate. I take that back I did have live trees outside for many years with my partner. It was lovely, we fed the birds and the lights warmed them in the bitter cold of Minnesota. This is a cherished memory.

Well, I started with leaves off the tree to snow on a celebration tree. Memories come and go in random fashion since I lost my partner. Adjusting to the different climate is difficult. I love my sweat shirts and I want to wear one today. No such luck it is too warm. Oh well the journey down memory lane with each of you has is fun.

Peace, Annie