I miss doing my previous work as a therapist. I loved working with children and adults and feeling that I was making a difference. Now I have relatively little human contact in contrast to the eight or nine hours spent in doing therapy.  I enjoyed listening and felt at ease giving comments that at times seemed helpful. I spent thirty years as a therapist and I am now grieving the loss of my work.

I had an increase in rapid cycling bipolar and especially more manic than I had experienced for many years. It was obvious that I could no longer work and I am now on disability. The frequency of mood swings is less but I have considerable problems in thinking and concentrating. This has made it difficult to make new friends. It has also made it difficult on-line. I enjoy doing this blog and hope it helps me connect with others. It is difficult doing the writing and it takes me a long time to write. It is especially hard to make comments. I am not sure why but I feel awkward and “out of it” when I try to express my thoughts and feelings. It is similar to when I first meet people or think they might be friends. I have always felt this way with people.

 My problems making friends has been with me since childhood. This may have been from feeling inadequate with people. I enjoyed being with animals and alone more than in making new friendships. I am quiet by nature and struggle to find words to be with people in person and on- line. It may also be because I have problems reading and writing in general. I don’t know if it is because of learning problems or bipolar. It is probably part of both. Please be patient with me if I am not coming through and not making sense. I will keep trying and hope that I can find the words to express my feelings and respond to your comments.