April 2, 2008
Family: journey from silence to bipolar
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There is a place where I have one foot in the manic and one foot in reality and it is delightful. This place is before I ride the highest wave and definitely before I crash and burn. This place keeps me from being an ordinary person, my biggest dread.
I walk a fine line from falling into that place and never coming out. But then I remember what it is like to stay in that place and the pain it causes. I watch for the sneaky manic to go full force and steam roll me over.
In that place I am not aware of my actions and how far from delightful I am. That exact footstep is out of view so I only allow myself one foot in and one foot out. If there is a pull from the manic side I run like crazy as far as I can go. It is worth the risk of that one foot in to avoid the ordinary.