I am entering a period of time where I am consciously setting aside the feelings of depression and embracing the sunlight. A few months ago, when I was the most seriously depressed the sunshine hurt, the wind irritated my skin and I retreated to my room. I am now feeling the beginning of a sense of balance. Wellness is my goal rather than survival. I am following through with a self enrichment program that includes working out and eating right. It has taken me some time to have a definite wellness plan. For years the rapid cycling took all of my energy to simply stand upright, let alone be able to follow a plan to improve my health.

Celebrating wellness gives me periods of peace and energy. I am aware that I could have problems that threaten my stability. I am trying to take practical steps in daily life to recognize unnecessary emotional baggage and focus on healing from the wounds of the past several years. I have a number of losses that I need to grieve. My goal is to be able to focus on the grief work for brief periods of time and then set it aside for a while. I hope to find a grief group to do this work.

In a practical sense these goals are spiritual because they tap into my faith and hope. The spiritual part of me has been weak for a long time. I can only take one step at a time to restore my spiritual self.  There are a number of reasons why I am feeling more hopeful yet still feel vulnerable. I recognize I could easily struggle with rapid cycling at any point in the future.

One part of my foundation of wellness includes my medications and my trust in my pdoc. I am on a number of medications that address specific problems in my functioning. If I do not know why I am on a particular medication I ask my pdoc and she explains her reasoning for placing me on that particular medication. I take what she says and see if it fits and if I am benefiting from that medication. If I have some doubt about the effectiveness of the medication I discuss it with her.

I am aware that there are authors of numerous blogs that suggest folks should go off medication because it is harmful. Some suggest that alternative therapies are more effective than pharmaceutical medications. The debate seems to go back and forth and I respect the opinions of such well intentioned authors. I believe it does not have to be an either or decision. It is different for each individual and some, including me, would suffer if medication was stopped.

Most folks know that bipolar illness is a spectrum disorder. That means it is not just one set of symptoms but a range of symptoms that is within this disorder. There is also a range in the severity of the illness. Some people with mild symptoms may find it helpful to primarily focus on alternative therapies. Other individuals with very serious symptoms and rapid cycling may have no other choice but to try medication as a first course of treatment. These factors along with other characteristics of the unique individual make treatment of bipolar illness difficult at best. I encourage a dialogue between individuals who can speak from their own experiences to keep the topic alive. I welcome comments regarding this post