One of reasons I am able to be more in touch with wellness is that I no longer use alcohol and other drugs. I stopped using in 1996 but have struggled some since then. It turns out that I was medicating myself with alcohol and marijuana. This was especially true in relation to mood swings. When I was manic I would use marijuana to calm me and when I was depressed I “took the edge off” by drinking. I was fully aware of the impact of drugs but did it anyway. I tried the12 Step Approach at different periods of time and with some success. I have not remained active but do attend when it seems I need or want to attend a meeting. My beliefs about staying healthy come from some of the 12 Step Programs. The last time I attended a meeting I had the following thoughts come to mind.

                                12 Steps and Ten Toes

 I walked out of the 12 Step Meeting questioning the idea of one step at a time.  It sounds simple but a life time of racing thoughts makes it difficult to put one foot in front of the other.  I did what I typically do; I broke it down and simplified it. Each foot has its part but the toes somehow seem underestimated in considering the steps.

Toes are crucial in maintaining balance. As a child we delight in “standing on our tippy toes”, which prepares us for a life long balancing act  The big toe is the navigator; it points the way and establishes a direction.  Unfortunately the big toe is easily stumped and we are thrown off course.  The big toe is also prone to fungus and other diseases.  Our progress is hindered as time is needed to mend the toe.

The other eight toes work together with the soul of the foot to propel the foot forward and help balance the spirit.  When our toes are out of balance we trip over our own two feet. Then our job is to pick ourselves up before taking the next step.

I have come to understand why 12 Step Programs can be hard for me.  My toes are weary and my bones have been broken. I definitely have tripped over my own two feet.  It will take time but I will continue to put one foot in front of the other as best as I can