If the majority of my days consist of reflecting and feeling blessed then I will celebrate a life well spent. My fifty nine years have been full of a wide expanse of experiences. The writing that comes to me now is focused on my relationships with my late partner, my Peopledog Petey and thoughts about my career as a therapist. I have trouble sometimes holding the focus on just one thing and often have more that one topic going at one time.

I have simple and uncomplicated personal relationships with my family and a few good friends. It is not an exhausting experience to be with them and I treasure the comfortable exchanges. Friendships seem to have a season and now they are certainly a prosperous harvest of long term connections.

Somehow there is that missing primary relationship that calls to me. I question whether I will live out my life alone or will find another relationship. At times I think of how spectacular the relationship was with my partner and wonder if I could ever accept someone else in my heart. At other times I long to have a companion to share my life.

I suppose the process of discovering what is next in my life is the best way to answer the questions swimming in my mind. It also seems that my contentment is fine for now until there is more to my life. I have found in reading other blogs that many of you are in a similar stage of questioning your own life from many perspectives. An important part of writing for me is to reach out to my friends in the blogging world.

Blessed be the friendships that come !our way

It is just another ordinary Saturday and I am glad to have a break from politics. I am anxious for the election to come and for Obama to win. I used today as a time to catch up on posting and especially liked reading other blogs and catching up as best I can with my blogging friends.

 I am learning to live alone without feeling isolated. It seems to work most of the time and I find it helpful to write as best I can. I have limited flow to my writing right now. I am involved in a more introspective process that keeps me somewhat more private than in recent days. I am also writing a piece about my dog and stories from my childhood. It is light and fun when I can get the flow of it. I will share some of it when I get it to a point worth sharing.

 Take care friends! Annie

A fresh nip of coolness has come to Oklahoma this last week. I almost need to turn on the heater to take the chill off in the morning. It is great to wear my sweatshirt and remember the fall season in Minnesota. I miss my family and friends up there and hope to visit soon. I broke my glasses earlier this week and won’t get my new ones until next week. It is an interesting perspective to view life without my glasses. I feel somewhat vulnerable and exposed without them. This says more about some grief work I am doing than about my overall well being. I feel strong and able to do the grieving of many issues.

I have been writing regarding retirement from my career as a therapist. This is different than being on disability. It has helped to shift my work from writing as a person with bipolar to a focus on my life in transition. I find that I feel a lack of purpose and therefore have been trying to find a “job” that would fill my need to be contributing through work. I doubt that any other job would come close to what I found doing therapy. I have placed the job search on hold and have invested hours each day to writing. I think this may be the focus for me for now. The words seem to flow and I am enjoying the structure of my days doing writing.

 I will share some of my writing when it seems relevant. I do so appreciate each of you and your comments are very helpful. Some of you have commented that I need not have to be “writing” to enter a post and I can certainly see how this relates to my life transition issues. I thank you for holding me in your thoughts when I am not posting.This has been my attempt to check in and let you know how I am doing.

Hello friends! Sorry again to be away for so long. I had a bad case of poison ivy and it occupied my thoughts and feelings for a number of weeks. I find that since my move to living alone that my self-talk is in remnants with ideas and feelings that fall short of being cohesive. At times the still soft voice in my mind that helps me write is so faint I can hardly hear the message. There is another part of me that is observing and wondering if this is but a change in how I express what I see and what I feel. I am functioning just fine on a daily basis. I must admit that I have a slight mistrust of the changes in my life. I continue to trust that all will be well at the end of this adjustment.

I suppose it is true that in living alone one develops a chorus of inside voices to fill the void that was once filled by the voices of family and friends. These voices once echoed in the background of my mind and the majority of my thoughts were in reaction to my interactions with others.  Through it all there is an awesome sense of change that is stirring in my soul.  My breathing is a little bit stronger and I find contentment and peace in hearing my own voice. I maintain contact with my family and friends but there are stretches of time that I am alone and have time to ponder life.

To this point my dialogs with self have been the basis of my writing and storytelling. Lately incomplete remnants of thought make it difficult to write. There have been few words to convey my experiences. The observations of nature and the messages that characterized some of my previous writing have retreated to some extent and for a time. I am less visual in my observations and more contemplative and soul searching for the circular spirit of my being.

To this point in my life I have been enlightened as I listen for the voices of my grandmothers and grandfathers to come and inspire me with their teachings. I am piecing together the remnants of thought and feelings as in a series of quilt pieces. It falls short of an entire living quilt yet remains purposeful and fulfilling in many ways. I trust that with the season of Fall comes the need for snuggling under downy comfort and having dreams of storytelling inspired by the Creator.