When I have a window of opportunity to write I want to share my journey on the blog. I would like to share about my struggles and survival. The only way I know how to do this is to make it simple. I make it simple by creating pictures of how I feel. I hope it is helpful. When I am depressed my face, especially around my mouth, is drawn down as if I had a stroke. My facial muscles signal the remainder of my body to become rigid, fade into the chair and become the chair. My eyes stop blinking and I have the return of the looming black stare. I feel like a zombie from the inside out.

But today I felt a smile on the inside of my mouth as if I had a face lift on the inside. The change from the inside triggers a chain reaction that allows me to take care of myself.  This lets me know that the change in medication has lifted my mood and reignited my connection to the living. For me medication and my relationship of trust with my psychiatrist is a life line.  She works with me instead of being distant. I encourage you to find the right doctor to work with you on your medication.

When I come out of the depressive episode I try to take care of myself. I spend less time in my room and take daily walks. I talk with friends and family to restore the people connection that gets lost in serious depressive episodes. If I do not have the medication that I need it is next to impossible to move my body. However, the medication  transforms me from a zombie like creature and a resume my connection with the human race.

It is on the slightest of upswings from periods of depression that I can put words together and tell a story. What I want more than anything is to be a storyteller. When the writing dries up I feel useless and listless. I don’t want too much more but I do need a longer period of feeling less depressed.

It is a window of opportunity to improve my people contact, exercise and writing to keep the depression at bay. The things that I do for self-care may sound overly simple but it is my touchstone of recovery.