About a month ago I moved from the country to a lovely home in the city. It has occupied my time and energy but I am now ready to return to my blog. It is a trade off to have left the rolling hills of my country home for the small city that I now call home.

I live in a university town with all the benefits of that culture. The city is large enough to have all the activities, shopping and restaurants that I can enjoy and small enough to not have hectic traffic. At this point in my life it is a good combination.

I am spending part of my time writing an ebook on Mental Health Wellness. It is gratifying to write about the topic and share it with the readers. It is not personal like my blog is and I think I will enjoy the balance of writing.

I am better grounded in my own wellness and there I have a balance where once there were mood swings. The medication I am on has helped me stabilize and my own efforts to find my center have blended together to help me feel good most of the time.

I hope my blogging friends will return to share my posts. I also look forward to reading and commenting on yours.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace, Annie

After a warm and at times smoldering Oklahoma Summer I  have had far more times of being well than being ill. I have spent time “embracing” the illness that has robbed me of my Funny bone. “Embracing” has been a way that I explored  the intricacies of mental illness and helped me be a more caring therapist.

My Grandmother would challenge the act of embracing the illness and say, ” all you need is a come to Jesus moment!” Meaning, “don’t feel sorry for yourself and just get on with your life the way it is”.  While I never challenged my Grandmother as a little girl, I did have at times this summer that I had a talk with myself about the  balance of how I am spending my time.

As the dog days of summer come to end I have put into place an active and structured routine. I have begun to recognize how to step lightly around my depression so as to not awaken the dark eyed image of my somber self. Setting aside this time has made it possible for me to stand full force in the blast furnace winds of summer and face the issues of grief that has crippled my Funny bone. I have decided to write about some of the mending that I have done to heal my broken Funny bone to its former glory.

One of the things I have liked about me is my laughter and corny sense of humor. My Funny bone was passed down and planted in my soul by my Aunt Lulla Belle.  Laughter was one of the more satisfying times I spent with my deceased partner. She made me laugh even during the painful times as the cancer was consuming her health.

To my friends, welcome back to a more honest and straightforward sharing of my healing process!

Peace, Annie

I have found that it is more and more difficult to write on my blog. I agree with many of you who say it is often discourageing to write about bipolar. Even though I am writing about nature I still view it through my illness and wellness.   I am doing other writing that does not relate to bipolar and it is gratifying.

So I will say goodbye for now and perhaps I will start another blog. I will post my decison after consdierable thought. Bless each you !

Annie

This is  the second day of “popping”! Of course, it’s spring the colors are glorious fresh new buds of green and the red bud tree. So far it dosn’t cover the tree but laces it with patterns changing by the minute. Two male cardianls in the trees down by the creek. It makes my heart sing, my eyes twinkle and my mouth smile. Simple? A year ago or two the brightness of the neon green burned my eyes,shades were drawn and my spirit was asleep.

Is it a miracle? I think not. Is wellness and rebirth of spring possible for the ordinary? I pray yes!

Some of them are Crows and some are Ravens. But they share the same waddle and crossed-eyed stare. The glare off of  the sleet and the snow hides the difference while a contrast of black and white is like a razor’s edge. It leaves no room for gray as it simplifies life and makes nature-gazing crisp and clean.

I sway my head side to side as I track the Crows bobbling walk. I identify with the wadle and wonder why Crow walks with such a motion. There is a tune inspired by the bobbling and I find that I hum it throughout the day.

While they are known in part as a nusance, I ponder the habits of the Crow and find that they make their nest high in the trees. They work to have the highest vantage point to search for the sustenance they desire.  They stay just beyond the bird feeders on the front porch and are content to be fed cracked corn at  the edge of the yard.

There are finer looking birds but giving crow their due they lull me into a daydream with a side to side swaying of my head as I watch the special bobble of friend Crow.

Eventually I close my eyes and imagine that I can see from high up in the tree tops. I find that I long for cracked corn and for a while become my friend Crow. It is a momentary lullaby of my spirit, a tune of peace and more so … a blessed melody of healing and well being.

I hope that each of you had a Happy New Years day and look forward to a peaceful new year. I certainly look back on the healing and wellness that was mine in 2008. Your support and words of support were important in this result.

I have decided to make some changes in my blog and wanted to share them with you. While it has been healing to write about bipolar it is time to break out to other topics. Primarily I want to submit my writing for possible comments rather than for my blog to be a personal exchange.

I have found that my writing takes a front seat to other activities that fill my day. I have never had the opportunity to write and I want to get feedback from others. The fact that I had problems in reading as a child means I do not have a clear sense of where to go with my writing. If this is not of interest to you I will understand if you stop reading my posts.

Peace to you all! Annie

Fall is definitely here and the weather is making radical changes each day. The cool weather inspires me to write. I may have mentioned that since I live alone I could only afford living in a small trailer. It is comfortable in many ways but has its disadvantages. Night before last we had tornado warnings, strong winds and hail the size of a quarter. It covered the ground until it was white. The noise on the tin roof was deafening and then the wind shifted direction and the hail began hitting the back door and side of the house. It was like being inside a popcorn popper. The storm lasted for over 2 hours. It would intermittently slow down and the hail would stop. It would come back again just as loud as before.

 I began getting sleepy, got my dog and slept in the closet for an hour or so.  I woke up and the storm had passed. We got back to the bed and crashed fast asleep. I have been in many storms in Oklahoma. The fear never goes away especially when there is hail. Hail is commonly associated with tornadoes. Fear of storms is a kind of fear that needs to be harnessed. The noise of the hail, winds and rain can work you into frenzy. If you panic during a storm you are in for a nightmare. At its best you think about a safety plan, take deep breathes and wonder if you should take cover or ride it out.

 The next morning I took a look at the damages. There were none to my trailer however the stockade fence around the park was leveled by straight winds and branches were all over the place. It is not faith that helps you withstand a storm. The storm will either be destructive or it won’t be. It is a close call when ever you get hail. It is an angry sound that makes one think the creator is expressing displeasure with our actions. I suppose there is reason for him to be angry. I am thankful I have harnessed my fears of storms.

It is just another ordinary Saturday and I am glad to have a break from politics. I am anxious for the election to come and for Obama to win. I used today as a time to catch up on posting and especially liked reading other blogs and catching up as best I can with my blogging friends.

 I am learning to live alone without feeling isolated. It seems to work most of the time and I find it helpful to write as best I can. I have limited flow to my writing right now. I am involved in a more introspective process that keeps me somewhat more private than in recent days. I am also writing a piece about my dog and stories from my childhood. It is light and fun when I can get the flow of it. I will share some of it when I get it to a point worth sharing.

 Take care friends! Annie

Hello friends! Sorry again to be away for so long. I had a bad case of poison ivy and it occupied my thoughts and feelings for a number of weeks. I find that since my move to living alone that my self-talk is in remnants with ideas and feelings that fall short of being cohesive. At times the still soft voice in my mind that helps me write is so faint I can hardly hear the message. There is another part of me that is observing and wondering if this is but a change in how I express what I see and what I feel. I am functioning just fine on a daily basis. I must admit that I have a slight mistrust of the changes in my life. I continue to trust that all will be well at the end of this adjustment.

I suppose it is true that in living alone one develops a chorus of inside voices to fill the void that was once filled by the voices of family and friends. These voices once echoed in the background of my mind and the majority of my thoughts were in reaction to my interactions with others.  Through it all there is an awesome sense of change that is stirring in my soul.  My breathing is a little bit stronger and I find contentment and peace in hearing my own voice. I maintain contact with my family and friends but there are stretches of time that I am alone and have time to ponder life.

To this point my dialogs with self have been the basis of my writing and storytelling. Lately incomplete remnants of thought make it difficult to write. There have been few words to convey my experiences. The observations of nature and the messages that characterized some of my previous writing have retreated to some extent and for a time. I am less visual in my observations and more contemplative and soul searching for the circular spirit of my being.

To this point in my life I have been enlightened as I listen for the voices of my grandmothers and grandfathers to come and inspire me with their teachings. I am piecing together the remnants of thought and feelings as in a series of quilt pieces. It falls short of an entire living quilt yet remains purposeful and fulfilling in many ways. I trust that with the season of Fall comes the need for snuggling under downy comfort and having dreams of storytelling inspired by the Creator.  

My dear friends, I am having problems with my site and connecting with your sites. I can read your posts but can’t make comments. In addition I am interviewing for a part time job tommorow. It is a managemnt of a rental proerties and I might be moving to that location (still in the country).

Any way alot going on in my head( all good ) but I need some time to focus and do one thing at a time. I will continue to read your posts but may not be able to give comments.  I will get the problem with my site corrected at some point in the next few days or a week. Please hang in there with me.  Peace