I am inspired by a new online friendship with a person who has had a life experience similar to mine, including having bipolar.  We have been sharing our writing and just checking in with good intentions. This is my first time to have a friendship like this and I feel blessed by our sharing.

I am reaching out in other ways. My peopledog of 20 yrs. died and I was very sad. She had a healthy and fun filled life and her passing was peaceful.  I thought I would wait until a few month and find another dog to join in my family.  As it turns out my heart  was stolen by  a tiny, furry,panda like puppy. I am in the process of bonding with her and she shows signs of being a real and true peopledog.  I laugh and talk to her hours at a time.

I am truly blessed – Annie

I live in a university town with all the benefits of that culture. The city is large enough to have all the activities, shopping and restaurants that I can enjoy and small enough to not have hectic traffic. At this point in my life it is a good combination.

I am spending part of my time writing an ebook on Mental Health Wellness. It is gratifying to write about the topic and share it with the readers. It is not personal like my blog is and I think I will enjoy the balance of writing.

I am better grounded in my own wellness and there I have a balance where once there were mood swings. The medication I am on has helped me stabilize and my own efforts to find my center have blended together to help me feel good most of the time.

I hope my blogging friends will return to share my posts. I also look forward to reading and commenting on yours.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace, Annie

My Grandmother would challenge the act of embracing the illness and say, ” all you need is a come to Jesus moment!” Meaning, “don’t feel sorry for yourself and just get on with your life the way it is”.  While I never challenged my Grandmother as a little girl, I did have at times this summer that I had a talk with myself about the  balance of how I am spending my time.

As the dog days of summer come to end I have put into place an active and structured routine. I have begun to recognize how to step lightly around my depression so as to not awaken the dark eyed image of my somber self. Setting aside this time has made it possible for me to stand full force in the blast furnace winds of summer and face the issues of grief that has crippled my Funny bone. I have decided to write about some of the mending that I have done to heal my broken Funny bone to its former glory.

One of the things I have liked about me is my laughter and corny sense of humor. My Funny bone was passed down and planted in my soul by my Aunt Lulla Belle.  Laughter was one of the more satisfying times I spent with my deceased partner. She made me laugh even during the painful times as the cancer was consuming her health.

To my friends, welcome back to a more honest and straightforward sharing of my healing process!

Peace, Annie

So I will say goodbye for now and perhaps I will start another blog. I will post my decison after consdierable thought. Bless each you !

Annie

Is it a miracle? I think not. Is wellness and rebirth of spring possible for the ordinary? I pray yes!

I sway my head side to side as I track the Crows bobbling walk. I identify with the wadle and wonder why Crow walks with such a motion. There is a tune inspired by the bobbling and I find that I hum it throughout the day.

While they are known in part as a nusance, I ponder the habits of the Crow and find that they make their nest high in the trees. They work to have the highest vantage point to search for the sustenance they desire.  They stay just beyond the bird feeders on the front porch and are content to be fed cracked corn at  the edge of the yard.

There are finer looking birds but giving crow their due they lull me into a daydream with a side to side swaying of my head as I watch the special bobble of friend Crow.

Eventually I close my eyes and imagine that I can see from high up in the tree tops. I find that I long for cracked corn and for a while become my friend Crow. It is a momentary lullaby of my spirit, a tune of peace and more so … a blessed melody of healing and well being.

I have decided to make some changes in my blog and wanted to share them with you. While it has been healing to write about bipolar it is time to break out to other topics. Primarily I want to submit my writing for possible comments rather than for my blog to be a personal exchange.

I have found that my writing takes a front seat to other activities that fill my day. I have never had the opportunity to write and I want to get feedback from others. The fact that I had problems in reading as a child means I do not have a clear sense of where to go with my writing. If this is not of interest to you I will understand if you stop reading my posts.

Peace to you all! Annie

 I began getting sleepy, got my dog and slept in the closet for an hour or so.  I woke up and the storm had passed. We got back to the bed and crashed fast asleep. I have been in many storms in Oklahoma. The fear never goes away especially when there is hail. Hail is commonly associated with tornadoes. Fear of storms is a kind of fear that needs to be harnessed. The noise of the hail, winds and rain can work you into frenzy. If you panic during a storm you are in for a nightmare. At its best you think about a safety plan, take deep breathes and wonder if you should take cover or ride it out.

 The next morning I took a look at the damages. There were none to my trailer however the stockade fence around the park was leveled by straight winds and branches were all over the place. It is not faith that helps you withstand a storm. The storm will either be destructive or it won’t be. It is a close call when ever you get hail. It is an angry sound that makes one think the creator is expressing displeasure with our actions. I suppose there is reason for him to be angry. I am thankful I have harnessed my fears of storms.

 I am learning to live alone without feeling isolated. It seems to work most of the time and I find it helpful to write as best I can. I have limited flow to my writing right now. I am involved in a more introspective process that keeps me somewhat more private than in recent days. I am also writing a piece about my dog and stories from my childhood. It is light and fun when I can get the flow of it. I will share some of it when I get it to a point worth sharing.

 Take care friends! Annie

I suppose it is true that in living alone one develops a chorus of inside voices to fill the void that was once filled by the voices of family and friends. These voices once echoed in the background of my mind and the majority of my thoughts were in reaction to my interactions with others.  Through it all there is an awesome sense of change that is stirring in my soul.  My breathing is a little bit stronger and I find contentment and peace in hearing my own voice. I maintain contact with my family and friends but there are stretches of time that I am alone and have time to ponder life.

To this point my dialogs with self have been the basis of my writing and storytelling. Lately incomplete remnants of thought make it difficult to write. There have been few words to convey my experiences. The observations of nature and the messages that characterized some of my previous writing have retreated to some extent and for a time. I am less visual in my observations and more contemplative and soul searching for the circular spirit of my being.

To this point in my life I have been enlightened as I listen for the voices of my grandmothers and grandfathers to come and inspire me with their teachings. I am piecing together the remnants of thought and feelings as in a series of quilt pieces. It falls short of an entire living quilt yet remains purposeful and fulfilling in many ways. I trust that with the season of Fall comes the need for snuggling under downy comfort and having dreams of storytelling inspired by the Creator.