Friendship and Wellness
July 14, 2008 9:43 am Friends and HealingWhat was important about this trip was that I was just a friend. I was not a friend with bipolar who was moody or irritable. Nor was I overly sensitive when my friend would poke fun at me when I couldn’t find the words I needed in a conversation. It was simply two friends spending time together. We have known each other long enough to have a level of trust to share feelings and life stories
We spent the bigger part of two evenings and into the night telling life stories. At one point my friend asked if I talked with friends during some of the difficult times in the past. I had to admit that I did not share my daily troubles with anyone in the past. It was even more difficult to share my feelings and thoughts. I don’t know that I knew how to share my emotions and thoughts in years past. It was almost as though I was being choked by some aspect of bipolar. Expressing my feelings and thoughts was out of the question. Many of the folks that I knew did not know I had bipolar. My co-workers were unaware that I had bipolar. For the bigger part of my life I did not have a therapist. All in all I was primarily alone and could not express my experience with the illness bipolar.
My friend is a therapist and a wonderful listener. I still find it difficult to talk about the more painful experiences of my life. I shared what seemed an outline of my life story but didn’t land on any one particular story. I am fairly sure that I will share more in time. What is it about this illness that it can rob us of so many of the ordinary yet important aspects of life? Sharing with a friend and building a history with each other by telling past history is so important in building a connection. I don’t think I need to answer this question. I think I need to enjoy the relationship with my friend and let it be a healing part of my journey to wellness.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Hi, Annie!
Sometimes it’s best not to overanalyze (listen to me…I need to take my own advice!), and to just let things play out how they will. I’ve never found overanalyzing to be very helpful, although I continue to do it!
It sounds like this could be a very good and healing friendship for you.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I love having a friend like that. One you can just be with. I am glad you felt safe enough to open up, if even for a little while, about a little bit. I know for me, when I can tell my story to anyone, and still feel proud of who I am, I will have healed. I am trying to do that in my blog anonymously, but the real test will be when I tell my story to the world with my real name and share who I really am. I am working on that. Sounds like you are too.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I have been the same, in that for 23 years I tried to keep my illness to myself. Even when I’m unwell I don’t tend to tell friends or family. It’s as if I need to keep myself intact by my silence and preserve all the life energy I have just to survive. I’m slowly learning to share – that’s what has been so good about blogging. Here I share all.
It’s wonderful to have a friend you can share stories with. Some stories are light and funny; some are secret stories. I find the secret stories are often ones with associated shame. They’re probably the ones we most need to share and expose to the healing air.
I shared stories with a new friend the other night, and what struck me the most was her expression while I was sharing – she was listening fully, leaning forward and her ears heard my every word. I felt heard and cherished. Here’s to friendship.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
These are the best kind of memories. I’m glad for you Annie!
July 15th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I love it. It sounds like you took a vacation from your bipolar. I would like that for me. You’re very fortunate to have a friend like her. My experience has just never been good when I tell friends about bipolar. They go all funny in the head, and it changes everything. That’s why I just keep it to my blog and my t/doc. In my blog I get to have total freedom of expression and am finding like minded people. Lucky you to have friend like that!
July 15th, 2008 at 9:13 am
as it appears you are feeling so spiritual about the trip you had and tell us after you make your vacation from the bipolar next. Dont analyze
July 15th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I love you blog, and the name cracks me up… I glad you got to be with friends that you can laugh with… I believe laughter is very healing. I would love if you considered to swap links for our blogrolls
chato
http://mentalhealthhumor.today.com
July 16th, 2008 at 1:37 am
I didnt share for a very long time and still dont share right away in real life. When I had ECT I lost nearly every friend I had. They were horrified and seemed to think that “it might rub off on them or something”. Maybe they just didnt know how to act or what to say, I dont know. I was very ill and I am sure I was no joy to be around. Yet when I didnt know who someone was and would have to ask, and then explain, I would see this look of horror in their eyes and I would never see or hear from them again………. experiences like this do not make a person inclined to “share” Those few special people that can accept us as we are are to be valued and appreciated.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Jazz- thanks for suggesting I not analyze. I take myself too seriously some times. I sincerely appreciate the thought. Annie
Aqua, glad you dropped by and good to hear you are trying to share who you really are in your blog. I am comfortable how I am now but respect your efforts. Annie
C- I agree with you it is so freeing to write and share in blogging. Glad you dropped by. Annie
Amanda, Thanks for the thought. Annie
Simone- I loved your phrase of taking a vacation from bipolar. Wish we could for real. Peace Annie
Raine, I am glad you have acceptance in blogging and are free to express yourself. Take care, Annie
July 17th, 2008 at 4:54 am
It is funny how are community works together. I had just posted a post about friendship and then I read yours. I am glad for all my friends. Somedays it is my online friends like you that carry me through. Never underestimate the power of words.~
July 17th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I’m so happy you had a wonderful trip, Annie. Those days when you are a friend and not a friend with bipolar disorder are amazing. I’m glad you got to experience it with your friend.
July 17th, 2008 at 8:41 am
siba prasad sarma- welcome, I did experience the trip as a “practical” kind of spiritual event. Peace Annie
Chato- welcome, I agree so much that laughter is healing. Peace Annie
July 17th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Lizzie, I too believe in the power of words! I enjoy visiting your site as well. Peace Annie
Bradley, I agree it is amazing to be with a friend and things to be simple. Peace Annie
July 18th, 2008 at 12:20 am
Annie,
I agree with Jazz; it seems like your friend is a good friend for you. I think one of the difficulties of sharing aspects of how we feel with people who aren’t bipolar is that they truly don’t understand.
It is difficult–even for the people who love us most–to truly get what it’s like to be depressed, for no apparent reason. Or what a hypomania feels like.
Now that I’m well most of the time, even I can’t fathom how I could have been so sick…and how different it is to be so well.
The first bipolar folks I’ve ever met have been the people who read my blog. I had never before talked with anyone who is bipolar.
Susan
July 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Susan, Glad to have you back.I had not thought about it but I have never talked with someone who has bipolar. Of course I had clients who were bipolar when I was a therapist, but that communication is different. I know two people socially who say they are bipolar but they do not seem to be. It is interesting how some folks want the diagnosis of bipolar. I don’t understand because I would rather not have bipolar. Annie