My Brain Takes a Toll on My Mind
March 10, 2008 6:32 pm My Brain Takes it's Toll:Body Mind SpiritI was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my twenties I had the realization that a cruel part of my brain had taken far too much of a toll on my mind. My brain had ravished my mind and I was truly clueless until I heard the diagnosis helped me understand. I understand it this way; the brain is an organ of thought and nervous coordination. The mind is the part that perceives feels and reasons.
My nervous system misfires at will as it attempts to coordinate my body. It is as if faulty wiring services my body. The wiring seems frayed and exposed. Everyday life events impact these defective wires and I experience jolts of electrical firing at unforgiving times. The response is like strobe lights in my eyes, racing thoughts and my speech is like a steamroller.
For me, medication has made the difference in how my brain operates. I know that some of you would disagree. I am blessed to have an excellent psychiatrist. I tell her how I am doing and together we discuss the medication part of it. Today I am stable. It’s the old; one day at a time that really works. This point of stability has taken over a year.
It has been within the last three years that major life events have taken an additional toll. My Mother died, my partner of 15 years was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer, I broke my wrist and had surgery, and I broke my leg and ankle and had surgery. I was financially bankrupt and working non stop on remodeling an old house to sell for a profit. It was almost two years ago that I had the most serious rapid cycling episode ever and lost my job as a therapist. Since then my partner has died, I am on disability and will never work again as a therapist. I moved from
March 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
I recently found your site. Yours is an interesting journey to say the least.
I am 51 years old – with somewhat similar background – bipolar diagnosis at age 20 – many years working as a rehabilitation counselor (although not a ‘therapist’ per say).
In any event, I enjoyed this article – the brain taking a toll on the mind…..
I am close to the being on the same page – certainly believe in the mind/body/spirit concept you make reference to on this site.
I have spent the past few years doing about 5,000 hours worth of research – am a member of Integrative Psychiatry Group, and Monitor of Safe Harbor (largest online support group for alternative mental health)……
We have to part ways (although not drastically) on medication – I have come to believe that small amts for limited periods of time can be helpful – but, see them as primarily toxins – to the body and the brain.
Anyone who is on them, needs to stay on them – until such time as they can slowly taper off of them – and it is a long, and difficult row to hoe……
Having said that, I have found a number of resources that are helpful – by making this mind/brain connection you reference work – the brain can heal – and the mind can recover – it happens all the time…..
My own son recovered completely – from ‘bipolar’ – proper nutrition and supplementation – it took a great part of the 5,000 hours referenced above……
I hope that you might consider checking out my site – it takes a hard stand against big pharma – the politics and money that drive the machine…..
But certainly not anything negative against anyone who suffers symptoms -I do myself……
If you have time, please check out -
http://discoverandrecover.wordpress.com
Also, if you are interested, check out Safe Harbor – I monitor this group – some wonderful folks reaching out to help one-another find answers at -
http://www.alternativementalhealth.com
Hope you nothing but success in your journey – thank you so much for sharing your journey – it is an intersting one. You seem like a sincere person seeking answers – hope you find them!
Duane Sherry, M.S., CRC
March 15th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Duane, Thanks so much for the supportive and informative comment. I agree with your ideas related to meds. However, this most recent manic episode and living on disability has made me afraid to go off of medication. For more than 25 yrs I functioned on minimal medication I did fairly well.Perhaps in the future I can consider alternative methods. I certainly support the body, mind and spirit methods in other areas of life.
I went to your blog-both sites and found them extremely interesting. I know I will spend time reading there. I am impressed with your writing and
orientation. It was also pleasant to see you are from Texas. I live in Oklahoma so we perhaps share some regional similarities..While Ok. is my homeland I lived in Twin Cities of MN. for over 20 yrs.so I have a variety of experiences to share. Annie
March 17th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Appreciate your decisions – getting off medication can be very painful – and slow…..
Maybe another time – as you say, when you’re ready…..
It would be hard to find one of us on the natural side who has anything short of empathy for anyone taking meds – the bone we have to pick is with the mfgrs – the lack of informed consent – the off-label use, etc….
Yeah, I’m a Texan – grew up in Austin – been in Dallas for too long – miss the hill country…..
Okies have always been okay by me – good people – the heartland…..
You take care of yourself – If you ever want to talk offline – you can reach me by the contact section on my website.
Stay strong,
Duane
March 18th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
One more thought -
Dr. Bodenhamer at University of North Texas (Rehab Dept) has had quite a bit of success with neurofeedback (EEG biofeedback).
Thought this site might be of interest to you – Neurofeedback does wonders for many -
http://directory.eeginfo.com/
My best,
Duane
March 19th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Duane, Thanks for being so understanding about my view of medication at this point in my life. I will checkout the site rel: EEG biofeedback. You provide help in a caring way and do not put me down or mine. Thanks, Annie
September 7th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Hi Annie,
I just found your site. Bless you, and thanks… I am 43 yrs. old, and just recently left a well paying job (that was toxic to my health!) and finished my education and graduated in May with my Masters in Social Work. (Yes, I am proud!). I can’t even believe I got through it – I have suffered with major depression pretty much my whole life. Been on just about every med. too. This last go round, after being put on lexapro I experienced what I guess could be called mania. LOVED it. Just feeling good stuff – no bad impulse urges – only I had so so so much to say!!! Couldn’t stop. Actually became kind of embarrassing. Not me at all. OK – off that, now Paxil – another SSRI (the lexapro stoped working and I crashed back into the deep depression). I am starting to feel that revved up feeling, and again talking way more than I usually do. I always prayed for the mania – becareful what you wish for, huh? What do you think? Annie, I feel really messed up & vulnerable and depressed and reved. So confused & scared. Don’t feel that I could help clients right now – which is my heart – I can’t even tell you how much it helped to hear your story. I am so sorry about your partner. Huge loss for you. (I’m gay too)
Mostly just needed to be heard. Again, bless you, and much peace…
Mara
September 10th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Mara,
I am sorry for the delay in my response to your comments. I tried e-mail but I am having problems with sending mail. I am so glad to read your comments and hope you are doing better as you read this. I encourage you to tell your doc about the mood changes and the pressured speech. It is not uncommon to have mood swings when taking as SSRI, if there is some aspect of hypo manic symptoms. If you are getting your meds from a family doc you may want to see a psychiatrist to rule out mood swings.
I am writing from the perspective of a person with bipolar rather than as a former therapist.
It might even be helpful to go to some of the sites on my blog roll. Many of them have bipolar disorder and are support for me in many ways.
Thank you for your kind words about my partners death, I continue to grieve her presence. Please visit again and enjoy the wonderful experience of being a social worker.
Peace, Annie