The Tree Lives in Me
July 1, 2008 4:57 pm UncategorizedWhat can be said about the experience of hypomanic and manic behavior, the result of rapid cycling emotions and insights. Judgment is out the window and the swirl of the wind and trees can be toppled and life as I know it can be upside down. I suppose it varies to a great extent, from one person to another, what the behavior is when in this polarity. For those of us with clearly diagnosed episodes of mania, there are enough mistakes and disruptions in behavior to bury us. I choose to keep close the specifics of the damage done to myself ,family and friends. It is a dreaded part of my illness but I choose to forgive myself and express it with some distance so that I might continue with my healing. This poem is dedicated to each of us who has struggled with this part of bipolar.
The Tree Lives in Me
A glorious stand of trees grows to meet the sky. A single tree with leaves brilliant green in the shadows. I have come to realize the tree lives in me!The branches are alive in body,mind and spirit. Heart strings embrace harmony; wisdom,peace and love. In small sways and the tiny twigs, the song is strong.
In the forefront, burnt umber leaves of grief, withering. Yet, I am Cherokee and I live in the tree. We are all related, kindred spirits growing strong.Branches crackling with heavy pain; The breeze echoes the moaning, whaling, and weeping.
Yet, centered high in the treetop we see, Glorious green leaves of transformation. My imperfections and human blunders are carried away with the breeze. Transformation from humiliation to humility and from shame to self-forgiveness. I am the tree of self discovery.
And more so and will be….Blessed be the tree.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Dear Annie,
Hypomania seems to be so different in different people. Mine started early in June and will probably run through August this year.
And today was just a glorious day. I am struck by how alive I feel, how wonderful it is to be with other people, how many tasks I am able to accomplish, how organized I am, and right I am with the world.
Still, I find myself talking to much, even though I try hard to stop, and spreading myself a little too thin.
But compared to other episodes that were medication-induced, I am aware of my behavior and working hard to control it.
Thanks for your candor in writing this piece.
Susan
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:47 am
I love your poem – thank you! This illness is so frustrating. I am on a firm 24 hour cycle of up and 24 hours of down. I find it exhausting and it can be extremely noticeable to family and friends when I am flying high one day and in tears the next and back and forth it goes!
Thanks for your blog. Reading about anyone else who understands is always helpful!
Tamara
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 am
Beautiful as usual, Annie. Thank you.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Susan, Your keen awareness of your hypo manic episodes must be so helpful in managing your behavior. I also agree with you that everyones experience is different. Thanks for the time in adding such rich comments! Peace Annie
Tamara, Thanks so much for stopping by, and I want to encourage you to visit again. I also suggest that you look at some of the blogs on my blogroll for more support. Take care I know how it can be hard and you sound in a painful place.It can get better- Peace, Annie
Jazz, It is always good to know you have stopped by- peace Annie
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:22 pm
LOVED this peice of writing! I enjoy description and analogy so much – two of my favorite forms!
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:43 am
P.J. Glad to have comment on my writing. It inspires me to search for images that I can share! Peace, Annie
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:29 am
Annie–
I usually check in every day! Your writing is so beautiful, especially the way you talk about nature. I wouldn’t miss it!
Love,
Jazz