What is This Blink’in Problem?
February 27, 2008 12:08 pm What is This Blink'in Problem?I have random worries today and I am weighed down with a significant weight on my shoulders. When this happens a chain of events inevitably leads to my dreaded eyeball problem! Inside my eye socket there is no damn blink and my eyeballs become black marbles. When I am forced to make eye contact with others I feel as if I am staring at them and my madness is transparent.
I have found that my eyeballs respond intensely when I am depressed afraid or angry. At times it is as simple as needing eye drops but most of the time it takes a while of being uncomfortable and working on the feelings.
When my eyes do not blink the look on my face is crazy or even mean looking. I have a bug-eyed or deer in the headlights look that frightens me when I look in the mirror. I know it must leave others leery of contact with me.
I am suspicious that others are looking at me so I make sure I watch them. This only makes the staring worse. I do not dare to look down for fear I will lose my marbles and be completely in the dark.
The thing that helps is to write. Searching for the words to explain, even if I can not find them, the process of trying some times brings back the blink and then my softened eyes trigger a deeper breath and my shoulders lighten up. I check in the mirror to see how I look. More times than not I can bring back the blink and find softened eyes in the mirror.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I’ve increasingly pursed my lips and clentched my teeth. I’m very afraid of growing into one of those people you pass on the street and “know” is crazy. The progressive element is really frieghtening, even if you can slow it. Thank-you for your blog.
March 9th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Lizzie, I am so glad you commented and I relate to what you are saying. I am 59 and have recently had to go on disability. Prior to this I worked and had a full life with infrequent episodes.
Balanced medication has been essential for me. Please don’t give up! Therapy helped me too. Remember that if you keep working on being healthy there is no reason for your illness to be progressive. I had several life traumas within 3 yrs and I did not manage it.If I had reached out for help I think it would not have been progressive. Feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks again for your comment! Annie
March 9th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
My pdoc can tell if i am stable, depressed or manic by looking at my eyes, or so he says. He says that I, too, have a deer-in-the-headlights look when I am manic. I can see it too, sometimes. I feel as if i can see so much MORE when i’m manic but it’s just an illusion…I mean, delusion!
March 10th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Char- I agree that we see more when in a manic episode. Sometimes it is more than an illusion or delusion. Sometimes it is a clear perception of the manic experience.I feel that the more imagery we have about what is happening in the manic and depressive episodes, the more we can work with our pdoc to gain more stability.
I hope I explained this concept.
Thanks for visiting my site. Annie
April 16th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Hehehehe…my husband calls them “crazy eyes”. I can’t see it, but he can.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Simone, That is an accurate description for me as well. It is sometimes how I am feeling and other times side effects from meds. Thanks for the comment.
December 12th, 2008 at 6:59 am
I recently started a blog called Living Metaphors at blog spot and so came across this and others – we download ideas and feelings collectively. The technology itself is a metaphor for reality that we often refuse to see plainly, we can be so fully immersed in the ideas of the intellect – why not open the door and step outside rather than rearranging furniture all the time? We are living metaphors of our profound spiritual experience. Everyday we are a part of a great Authoring of everyday matters – The feelings we have – without words, without storylines – minister to us if only we would not judge, analse or try to dominate them. This wisdom is so much a part of our healing, of who we are meant to be – I highly recommend the healing work of Ann-Marie Ahye at http://www.innerfeeling.comShe is Toronto based. And the lectures at http://www.pathwork.org are a profound scripture of our present spiritual condition and evolutionary process.